Saturday, May 25, 2013

Emerging From the Cave of Senior Year

So, it's been a while since my last entry. Sorry. I'm sure you were all panicking about where I'd gone.

The reason I'm only re-emerging now is because I've been caught up in the whirlwind that is the end of my senior year of high school. It's been crazy. I had prom, the last burst of tests at the end of the year, and then my senior class went to Hawaii. (Yes, Hawaii. Yes, my school rocks.) Now I'm back from Hawaii, all my schoolwork is done, and all I have to do between now and my official graduation next Thursday is go to two rehearsals and wait.

Wow.

It's been a long ride. I've been at the same school with the same 100-ish girls for six years now, and it seems absolutely insane that all of that is very soon coming to an end. I love these people. I mean, honestly, all in all, I've had an amazing class. I've made amazing friends. It still hasn't really hit me that I'm leaving (the vast majority of) them in less than a week, mostly because I'm in denial that I have to.

It's strange, leaving things behind. I feel as if I'm not really going to understand what it really means for them to be gone until weeks after we've left each other. My close friends, I assume, I'll see again, as much as possible, over the summer--but the strangest part of it all, I think, is going to be not seeing the people I'm not close friends with. There's a lot of people in my grade that I don't know that well, but still, I like them all. It's going to be strange, not waking up and seeing the same familiar, comfortable group of people every day. Of course, you know, going to all-girls school has had its drawbacks throughout the past six years, but all in all, I've been extremely happy at this school, made a lot of really good friends, had a ball, and learned a lot (both book learning and learning about myself as a person.)

At the same time, though, I'm excited to venture out into the world and be on my own a lot more. I feel like I'm ready for it. Yes, in so many ways I'm still a child--and in others, I feel like I'm ready to be an adult. I want to explore what it means to be independent (or at least more independent than I am now--I know college will at least give me some structure!) and what it means to make all my own choices. I have been living with my (wonderful, fabulous) family for the last eighteen years, and leaving them is going to be really hard, but at the same time, it will create a whole new life for me, one I am excited to explore.

I'm at the point of my life where I could be anyone. I could do anything. I could start a school or become a wildlife photographer or move to Tibet or run a marathon at the north pole (yes, that's a thing, click here) and I'm excited to see what is going to happen. It could be anything, and if there's one thing I wish for myself moving forward into the next part of my life, it is that I don't say no to anything too quickly. I want to keep my doors open, and I want to have adventures. I don't even care what kind of adventures they are, as long as they're good ones. I want to jump wholeheartedly into the things around me.

So, in conclusion: onward. I will miss everything that I have had here in Los Angeles for these 18 years (a lot) but I am ready for the future. I mean, I'm not leaving just yet. I've still got summer. But graduation, in a lot of ways, feels like the end of an era. I'm sad to see it go, and I'm ready to see it go. I'm excited to see what comes.

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